Kevin's Kean University Blog

Peer Tutoring Final Paper, Take 2

2008-12-10T10:10:00.001-05:00

Kevin Risse
Peer Tutoring
12/03/2008
Final Paper – Second Draft

No two people learn the exact same way. We’re all different, with our minds structured differently. Similarly, no two teachers teach the same way for the same reason. We are all products of our experiences and who we are. This argument extends to tutors as well. With all of the different methods of tutoring, it is possible for a tutor to conduct a session in any number of ways. However, with students all learning so differently, it is very difficult for a tutor to select the right kind method for a student before beginning to understand their learning style. When you begin to factor in that every assignment calls for a unique approach and who each tutor is as a person, it becomes clear that it requires more than a tutor to have a single approach that they stick to unflinchingly. Who the tutor is in relation to the student will also change how the session occurs. If the two involved in the session are both students it will greatly change the outcome of the session than if the two consists of a teacher and their student. The level of power that stems from who the student and tutor is likely to affect the style of tutoring used (i.e.: a teacher is likely to use a method more akin to teaching, while a student is likely to tutor and work with the student). Consider a student facing a tutor who is using a method that is not conducive to their learning style – they likely wouldn’t react positively, but rather respond with some level of frustration or confusion. It follows then that the different styles of and approaches to tutoring, dictated to an extent by the relationship between student and tutor, may affect the student's response and attitude.

There are primarily three schools of thought on tutoring; three models from which tutors derive their methods. These are Storehouse, Garret, and Burkean Parlor.

The Storehouse model considers knowledge to be something that is imparted or sought out. "The Center as Storehouse operates as [an] information station or storehouse, prescribing and handing out skills and strategies to individual learners" (Lunsford, 93). So, for example, in a Storehouse session, the tutor would flat out tell the student what the problems with the paper are, and they need to do to fix them. This makes a Storehouse session a primarily tutor driven experience.

The Garret model holds the belief that the information is inside the learner. It states that they already know what the answer is, and that they simply need help coming to the right answer. A common method used with the Garret style is minimalism, in which you ask the student leading questions to try and get them to come to the right conclusion by their own accord. So, in a Garret session, the tutor will ask the student what they think the problems are, and how they would then solve them. They aren't given the answer, as with Storehouse, but rather are given a trail of proverbial breadcrumbs that lead them to it.

The Burkean Parlor is a bit of a mix between the two. Its name is derived from the parable of the parlor as told by Kenneth Burke:

"Imagine you enter a parlor. You come late. When you arrive, others have long preceded you, and they are engaged in a heated discussion, a discussion too heated for them to pause and tell you exactly what it is about. In fact, the discussion had already begun long before any of them got there, so that no one present is qualified to retrace for you all the steps that had gone before. You listen for a while, until you decide that you have caught the tenor of the argument; then you put in your oar. Someone answers; you answer him; another comes to your defense; another aligns himself against you, to either the embarrassment or gratification of your opponent, depending upon the quality of your ally's assistance. However, the discussion is interminable. The hour grows late, you must depart. And you do depart, with the discussion still vigorously in progress."

From this parable it can be understood Burkean Parlor follows the method of collaboration. The tutor asks leading questions, similarly to Garret, but also contributes information, like in Storehouse. The work will receive and go through any number of changes, each with the intention of trying to make the work better.

In order to collect my data I spent time taking notes on sessions at Kean University, located in New Jersey. I monitored sessions with my laptop to take notes, in an attempt to take as complete notes as I could. These sessions occurred either in the tutoring center or in class rooms at times designated for tutoring. These sessions tended to last between twenty and sixty minutes, depending on outside factors (not having to do with my taking notes). The subjects were students at Kean University, occasionally my classmates, however some were not classmates, and one tutor was even a professor at the university. Other than the identities of the subjects, there are no major details pertinent to my data or focus.

A key element of tutoring is the ability to read students and attempt to conform to the style they need to best learn. Troy and Sharpay faced a major obstacle in their session: Sharpay is an immigrant to this country, and has special language needs. When Troy and Sharpay began their session, Troy was prepared to use a minimalist technique in an attempt to lead Sharpay as little as possible, allowing her to answer most of her questions on her own, despite the fact that from the start Sharpay made it evident she did not understand the necessary components of an essay or how to properly structure one. However, after a few minutes, early on in the session, it became evident that Sharpay’s understanding of the material and comprehension of the language itself were not very good. Therefore he had to shift his focus from a Garrett model to something more along the lines of a Burkean Parlor model, trying to keep her as involved as he could. He asked questions, hoping to generate answers they could use together, to help her shape the essay, but Sharpay was unfortunately at an extreme disadvantage, lagging behind due to her trouble with the language, which was neither her fault not could it be helped. Additionally, she seemed to be thrown by the beginning of the session being unclear and unhelpful, and unwilling to include elements of her childhood despite the essay’s topic calling for stories from her past, hindering the collaboration process. Facing multiple roadblocks now, Troy had to adjust his method yet again and switched to a more direct form, ala the Storehouse model. At this point, he began correcting her grammar, and having to explain the basic functions of the English language, involving verb tense; he had to correct her use of “cooking”, as she had intended to use the verb in past tense. Troy had to explain “When you’re saying ‘cooking’, that’s present and you’re doing it now.” Sharpay, still confused, replied “It doesn’t make sense for me.”

In a situation like this, Troy was forced to use multiple styles of tutoring to get through to Sharpay. While the session wasn’t necessarily a success, had Troy rigidly stayed with a minimalist method, the situation would have most likely only turned out worse. As Hall and Blau stated, especially when working with an ESL student, it is very important to remember to attempt to use different styles, in an effort to find the one that fits best. In “Guilt Free Tutoring,” they say:

“We don’t need the scholarly literature to tell us that NNES students are different from native speakers. Common sense prevails. If you’re writing in a language that is not your native language, you will never write like a native speaker.”

Similarly, if a tutor goes into a session under the notion that they will only take a minimalist approach, if they even understand the differences in tutoring styles, they would likely find conflict with an ESL student, and not be able to relate the information the session is intended fo
r, possibly only confusing the student even more. This only supports the theory that tutors in writing centers need to be able to adapt their method to the needs of the student, whatever they may be. However, the tutor needs to be careful of the style they choose. Troy's chosen style was more akin to teaching than tutoring. And in the situation that Sharpay was in, where she was completely out of her depth, the style made the balance of power between the two uneven.

Tutoring style is also affected by the status of the tutor, as is the case with Jean and Professor X. Professor X is not only a tutor, but a professor as well. At the beginning of their session, Professor X took a very minimalist stance, allowing Jean to do most of the talking. Jean would explain what her assignment was, and Professor X would repeat the information she was getting back to clarify that she understood. At a certain point, once Professor X seemed to feel she had a good understanding of the assignment, the dynamic shifted, and Professor X started taking more control of the session. She changed tracks to more of a Storehouse model rather than Garret, instructing Jean instead of letting Jean tell her what needed to be done. Jean's response to this was both immediate and negative. Her body language became more closed off, and she appeared uncomfortable. Jean’s explanation of what the assignment was started to sound more like she was arguing what the paper was supposed to be about. Professor X then suggested replacing what Jean had with more specific language. She then said to Jean, rather than asking what she thought of the change, "See how much stronger that is?" Professor X even began giving Jean directions on what to include. After they came up with a specific line, Professor X told "Use that in your introduction." Jean began using rather clipped tones at this point, simply going along with Professor X's directions. However, it should be noted that, while Professor X was directing the session, she continued to sing Jean's praises, telling her that her phrasing was good and that her title was great. The session ended with Professor X reiterating what Jean has said in bullet points, telling her what the paper should be, and Professor X asking Jean to relay how she's planning to write the paper, which Jean does.

Clearly this session is primarily Storehouse. This is a perfectly acceptable method of tutoring, of course, but what needs to be taken into account is the student's needs. Based on her reaction, Jean did not seem to need to be told what to do for her paper, but rather was looking for more of a collaborative effort, to get opinions on what she already had. Also coming into play is the teacher-student relationship. For one thing, it can be difficult for a teacher to shed that role and allow the student to take control, and so they end up using Storehouse by habit. The problem with this is that the student may follow what the teacher says simply because they're a teacher and it's a student's natural inclination to follow them. For this reason it is especially important to gear more toward the Garret method if the tutor is in a position of authority over the student so that they don’t end up taking the tutor's advice because they think the tutor must be right. In this instance, the tutor must adapt to the student needing only a tutor, and not a teacher. This does not, however, mean that a teacher cannot be a student. It only means that both parties, the tutor and the student, need to be more aware of who should have more power in the relationship.

There is also something to be said for a tutor and student to be too evenly matched; for example, Summer and Marissa. In their session, Marissa was the student and Summer was the tutor. However, the girls had a previously existing relationship. Right from the start of the session it was evident that the two knew each other, and no introductions were necessary. They began with Marissa explaining the assignment to Summer, a personal essay, and then having Summer read Marissa's paper. After she was finished, they set to work. And while they did work, they did, on occasion, veer off topic, to discuss personal matters such as plans for later in the week. When Summer disagreed with a certain point in Marissa's paper, Marissa defended it, causing Summer to immediately drop the point in acceptance that it was Marissa's paper and ultimately her decision. Summer then asked Marissa where she would like to make edits, taking a minimalist approach by encouraging her to go over the paper once more. When Summer would comment negatively on a line or two, Marissa's demeanor would become more closed off for a time. Marissa pointed out something that she said she liked, and when Summer agreed, Marissa then became unsure. Summer encouraged her to keep it in. The session continued in this pattern until the conclusion. The two parted amicably, setting personal plans for later.

The style in this session was primarily Burkean Parlor and Garret, but to be honest it's almost as if there's no style at all. Because the two girls were previously familiar, the session was very informal, more like a conversation between friends than a tutoring session. This provides the exact opposite problem of that seen in the session between Jean and Professor X. Summer and Marissa are, perhaps, too close in levels of power here, which can interfere with the student taking the tutor seriously. The two are old friends, there is no clear power and so the session lacks any real authority. Had Summer not known Marissa personally it is possible, even probable, that she might've made more, or even different, suggestions on Marissa's paper. Also, when Summer would make negative remarks regarding the paper, Marissa started to become closed off. If she was hearing these comments from a stranger, rather than a close friend, she might not have taken them so personally. While Summer did attempt to use the Garret approach, her familiarity with her student stunted her level of authority. Had she tried another method, like Storehouse, where she instructs more and interacts less, the results may have been different.

Haley begins the session by, of course, explaining the assignment to Nathan. Nathan made sure to be completely sure of the assignment before continuing. He made very certain to be clear on what the teacher was looking for, repeating back what Haley said. Nathan looked over the paper, asking Haley to go over the notes she received from the teacher. When she reached a portion the teacher didn't like and tried to keep going, Nathan stopped her, insisting they fix it before continuing on. Nathan favored a Garret style, leading Haley without giving her the answers, and pushing her to find a new example without actually suggesting one. Nathan's body language was also quite comfortable, relaxed. He rarely let the topic stray from the subject at hand. When they did stray, he immediately steered them back. When they came to a certain paragraph that the teacher had wanted to cut, though Nathan felt it was good, Haley pointed out the teacher's not, at which point Nathan concurred. As soon as it becomes clear that they've gone over everything they can for the paper, Nathan calls the session to a close, complimenting the work she's accomplished.

Nathan and Haley are, possibly, a rare case, in that Nathan seemed to completely hit the nail as a tutor. Nathan definitely had some control of the session, even though they were both students, similar in age and had a balance of power. He was able to direct Haley's attention, but mostly allowed her to do the work. He shifted seamlessly between the different styles as her needs required and found the proper balance for being personable while not sliding off topic. He also made certain not to let his own personal opinion overshadow the requirements of the assignment, as with the part the teacher disapproved of that he liked. Their work together exemplified that despite the lack of a clear shift in power to the tutor, as seen with Professor X and Troy, they were able to work well together. Nathan, as a tutor without a clear amount of power, acting truly as a peer tutor, takes on a more backseat roll, giving Haley the room to figure out the work for herself, never infringing on her ability to write her own paper. Nathan stands as an example of how adapting to the student's needs, given the relationship between the two involved, is necessary for a good tutoring session.

Ideally, all tutors would be well-versed in the many methods and styles of peer tutoring, and be able to adapt with their students’ needs. However, this isn’t always going to be possible. The best that anyone can do is arm themselves with as much information as they can and go into their sessions prepared for anything. The hope is that the session will go as smoothly as Nathan and Haley’s, but there’s always a chance that it could be the disaster that was Ryan and Sharpay’s. The relationship between the student and the tutor cannot help but color the situation as each person brings who they are to the session. The fact is who we are affects how we teach and learn. When a person sees they are in the position of power, whether it’s as a teacher or just a tutor who clearly is not tutoring a “peer”, the teacher tends to take on a more forceful Storehouse Model approach. However, when the two involved actually are peers, in the true sense of the word, the tutor is more likely to take a backseat on the creation process, or at least a less directly involved role. These styles then affect how the student learns, and even if they do. Considering the different sessions, there is no one proper combination of age and style, but rather a pattern that emerges on the part of the tutor, but not as much on the part of the student. Student reaction seems to be in response to the style in relation to the person using it, as seen in the cases of Troy/Sharpay and Jean/Professor X. While both sessions seemed to rely on a Storehouse Model, and the tutor were both at an advantage over the student in terms of knowledge and experience, the issue seemed to be the student’s reaction to the information as they attempt to process it. With genuine peers, where there is a balance of power, even when the tutors use different styles (Summer with a Burkean Parlor approach, Nathan with Garrett), the students seem to respond better, thanks to a more even ground to start from, with varying degrees of success. While the results seem to change, the factors affecting them don’t - who the tutor is and the style they use as a result of that directly affect the outcome of the session for the student.

Research Proposal - first draft

2008-11-12T09:46:00.002-05:00

Kevin Risse
Peer Tutoring

Presentation

Statement of Purpose
To find out what methods of tutoring are more apt for different situations.

Detailed Statement
The purpose of my study is to figure out how the use of different tutoring styles affects the success of a session based on the student and the subject. I’m wondering if I’ll find that perhaps one type of tutoring is possibly better suited than others, depending on the student or the situation.

Information to Gather
I will need to record the subject and style of tutoring, in addition to how receptive the student is, how much work is accomplished, and their overall attitude toward the session.

Preliminary List of Sources
“The ASK Model of Peer Tutoring: Theory and Research” by Marguerite A. Fitch
(http://www.dtic.mil/cgi-bin/GetTRDoc?AD=ADA268238&Location=U2&doc=GetTRDoc.pdf¬)
Fitch discusses different tutoring styles. According to her, different forms of tutoring, ranging from explicit directions to subtle hints, are determined by the student's skill level.

“Collaboration, Control, and the Idea of a Writing Center” by Andrea Lunsford
(from the textbook, “The Longman Guide to Writing Center Theory and Practice”)
Lunsford discusses the different styles of tutoring, and their benefits, which is helpful for my topic. She also makes note of what styles that students seem to prefer.

“Perspectives on the Directive/Non-Directive Continuum in the Writing Center” by Irene Clark
Clark talks about directive/non-directive approaches, and the need to develop a flexible tutoring style in order to better address student needs.

“Guilt-Free Tutoring: Rethinking How We Tutor Non-Native-Speaking Students” by Susan Blau, John Hall, assisted by Sarah Sparks (http://136.165.62.3/wcj23.1/WCJ23.1_Blau_Hall_Sparks.pdf)
The writers assert that different styles of tutoring benefit different students, especially in the extreme case of language barriers.

Plan for Gathering Information
All I need is to observe different tutoring sessions using different styles of tutoring.

Peer Tutoring Blog #10

2008-10-14T17:52:00.001-05:00

What interests me most, so far, is the different styles of tutoring (Storehouse, Burkean Parlor, minimalism, etc, etc) and which ones are suited for which subjects / students / assignments. I think there's a lot to learn there.

Peer Tutoring Blog #09

2008-10-14T17:48:00.001-05:00

Minimalist techniques are R O U G H. Let's start with that. It's VERY difficult to restrain yourself while tutoring. I didn't really enjoy it. But at the same time, I do understand the need for it. There will be times in a tutoring session where too much help is actually harmful. I think when the assignment is clear, and the student is turning to you as a crutch rather than actually needing help, minimalist tutoring is necessary. I personally would choose to use minimalist tutoring style as little as I could, because I know it's torturous and can't stand it. But when I see it's called for, yeah, I'm definitely going to use it.

Peer Tutoring Blog #08

2008-10-07T23:29:00.000-05:00

- Stereotypes should not be a factor. An old person can be a wiz at HTML code writing, and a kid wearing baggy jeans and a backwards cap can be a straight A student. Essentially, every student who walks in should be treated with the same respect.
- Be ready to roll with the punches. You don't know what your student may get stuck on or understand with ease. You have to be prepared for it to go either way.
- Use your time smartly. If you know the session is running out of time and you've been stuck on the same problem, maybe suggest moving on for now and coming back to it in a later session. Sometimes taking a break and coming back to a problem is exactly what a student needs.
- If you don't already know, LEARN HOW TO READ BODY LANGUAGE. Being able to read the difference between open and closed body language is essential.
- Don't give the student information you're not sure about. If you don't know the answer, then come up with suggestions as to how to get the it, such as looking it up online or asking a teacher, instead.
- Taking from my last point: don't act like you're some kind of expert. Even if you are, you don't know everything. You're not a teacher, and both you and your student need to remember that. Help where you can, but don't try and teach.
- Something that Vanessa wrote in her blog, which I hadn't really thought of, was not to edit your students' mistakes. You need to help them find their mistakes, not simply correct them, because then you're not a tutor anymore, you're an editor (and therefore should get credited and be paid substantially more).

Peer Tutoring Blog #06

2008-10-05T12:01:00.002-05:00

I've actually don't feel that my writing center philosophy has changed. I think a tutoring session needs to focus on the student's needs in order to function properly. Which is what I've already said. Most, if not all, students are different, and have different writing and learning styles. A tutor needs to be able to adapt to each student's style and work with them, rather than stay rigid in their own teaching style.

Working, even in a controlled environment, with another student has only enforced my belief. As the person being tutored, with Angela who clearly knows how to acclimate to a student's needs, I really appreciated her effort to ensure I understood what we were working on.

Peer Tutoring Blog #05

2008-09-30T22:59:00.001-05:00

As you read on Nick's blog, due to our absence from class last Wendesday, we tutored each other. What a grand notion!

This time I was the tutor. And I'd read the assigned reading! So that helped. We used free talking, a form of tutoring that I'm very comfortable with. It did help that A) we know each other, which added a level of comfort, and B) I knew the reading and assignment already. After talking for a while, I looked over what he had on the page. When I'm helping someone, editing their work, I most prefer to look at what they've written and make notes. (This can also be a bad thing, I realize, because it can mean less engaging with the student.) Once corrections in spelling and grammar were made, we discussed ones that weren't so easily fixed. I used questions a lot, to avoid simply *giving* him the answers. I made sure give as unbiased an opinion as I could, because I didn't him want to be putting my ideas into the paper rather than his own.

What I took from this session, being the tutor rather than the tutee (not to be confused with Tootie of 'The Facts of Life'), was that there's a very fine line to walk. You need to be careful about not just giving the students the answers.

Peer Tutoring Blog #04

2008-09-28T12:37:00.001-05:00

My peer tutoring session with the beautiful, magnificent Angela.

I didn't make things easy for her, that's for sure. Because my text hadn't arrived, I wasn't able to read the text. So our tutoring session became about a student who not only didn't have at draft, but hadn't even done the reading! (Plus neither of us had a competent understanding of the assignment.) As a result, we needed to first discuss what we thought the assignment was asking for. After that, Angela helped me to figure out what I would like to say for my paper. She was extremely helpful, and patient.

What I took from this session is that you never know what kind of curve ball your pupil is going to throw at you, and that you need to be able to adapt to fit your student's needs.

Peer Tutoring Blog #03

2008-09-21T18:24:00.001-05:00

In the past, when I've had to help people (ie: teach my mother how to use our scanner or turn on the VCR), I've mostly just told them what to do, instead of actually taking the time to teach. So, in a way, you could say I've gone by the Store House Model, using learning as an object rather than subject, and giving it to those I've helped.

However, when it comes to teaching in the tutoring center, I believe a combination of the Store House and Garret Models is necessary, though more heavily Garret. Learning is, yes, a thing, but that doesn't mean that every student gets it the same way. I think the teacher needs to recognize their pupil's needs and find a way to work with them.

Peer Tutoring Blog #01

2008-09-14T22:49:00.001-05:00

I have no questions, really. I feel as though the basic tenants of peer tutoring are elementary, nothing surprising. It’s a matter of learning the best way to use the tools required for the job, i.e.: how much information you provide the pupil versus how much you let them figure out for themselves, or how you get information that you don’t have that your pupil needs. I think it’s difficult to get a sense of what peer tutoring is like, and how to prepare yourself for it, from a text book. You need first- or at least second-hand experience, the latter in the form of information from people who have actually done it. (Much like when we discussed who had done peer tutoring last Wednesday in class.)

Peer Tutoring

2008-09-14T22:48:00.001-05:00

Hi. This is my Peer Tutoring Blog now. :)

-Kevo

Online Rhetorics Blog #10

2008-04-18T10:40:00.001-05:00

The following is my "draft" - somewhat rough indeed:

The Internet is obsessed with making people gay.

Gay. Gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. So gay. Oh my God gay. Gay. Gay! Gay.

Okay, that was a bit over the top, but the sentiment still holds true. The world-wide-webiverse gets its collective digital rocks off on The Gay; gay celebrity bloggers, gay porn, and, of course, gay slash. (And depending on who you asked, I just repeated myself about three times.)

Speaking seriously for a moment, gay slash (which in itself is a redundant term; slash means gay) is one of the most highly common forms of fanfiction. Its origins date back to the late 70s, with Star Trek stories about Kirk and Spock, written, ironically, by female fans. The term itself refers to the backslash in the designation “K/S” (for “Kirk/Spock”) used in the stories’ descriptions. There are some nutso people out there, and I mean wow do they come from every walk. A few of the most rabidly slashed fandoms are Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Smallville, The OC, Friends, and House, which should give you an idea of how widely-ranged slashers’ interests can be. Also important to note is the fact that four of these shows, despite having already gone off the air, still receive new slash media on a regular basis. Once the fandom gets a hold of you, there’s no letting go. The entity becomes a part of the fandom and more importantly, the fans – something from which there is no escape.

Slash is more than a bad habit or a dirty little secret you keep from your real friends; it’s an entire way of life. You are able to pursue it through any avenue of media; fanfiction (from brief and messy stories referred to as PWP, abbreviation for Porn Without Purpose or Plot, What Plot?, to entire novels creating an entire universe of its own), fanart, fanvids, and even playlists of songs that fans think relate to their favorite pairing. (I’ve seen them. They’re weird.) The slash community has even developed its own lexicon, with different words to describe subsets within the larger genre itself.

Slash speculation is less of a science and more a form of art. Seeing a backslap or a handshake as a gesture of desire is talent that not everyone can possess. And more than just finding gay subtext where there is only heterosexual text, using situations that do not have the least bit of romantic undertones to create a gay romp is commonplace. A fan of The OC one time was able to take the image of Seth and Ryan sitting in Seth’s recently repurchased catamaran, renamed by its new owner as ‘Gimme Sex’, and create a graphic sex scene between the two characters without even giving it a place within the confines of the show’s canon. These people cling desperately to comments, like the ones made by actor such as Adam Brody made in an interview where he mentioned that every time he gets a new script he expects to turn the page and find a scene where Ryan and Seth are making out. Fans cling to jokes such as these as though they are actual proof of something.

While not a rhetorical practice of the community, you can’t overlook the reasons why a community behaves the way it does when examining its actions. Why do we slash? There has to be a reason, some powerful, deep seeded need within us, begging for us to sate it with hardcore details of how Kirk set his phaser to stun on Spock’s Vulcan manhood. Important to remember is the overwhelming number of female slashers, a study in contradictions. Despite their lack of intimate knowledge of the functional reality of two men having intercourse, these young women through old hags write epic pages of erotica, the likes of which is physically impossible for them to experience twofold – a) they cannot be the fictitious men they are slashing, and of course b) they lack the proper anatomy. In place of a penis, they have a pen, and through this mighty weapon (oh, the puns), these authors are able to unfurl their fantasies onto so many digital pages to be archived and cataloged for all to see. In that way, maybe we’re all a little bit Madonna. The exhibitionist is all of us (and to post anything anywhere, on some level, we all are) likes to see people’s reaction, whether it’s authorial or sexual, and sometimes, we even like to watch people squirm.

The notion of slash, no matter how intensely prevalent on the Internet, and no matter how massively growing a phenomena, is still a taboo. One can count the number of gay television shows on one hand, which is a good thing considering slashers would need the other hand free (whether that hand is needed to change the channel due to poor quality or needed for, erm, to be it, uhm, delicately, uh, a more delicate matter). This is even more a reason for slash; it’s not just a desire to see existing characters that we love and salivate over get it on, it’s the need to see such relationships exist period. And because we’re not getting those needs fulfilled properly by existing shows and films, we do it ourselves.

Online Rhetorics Blog #11

2008-04-11T15:55:00.001-05:00

In “Grassroots”, Jenkins discusses the emergence of multimedia productions based on existent properties, such as Star Wars. These homegrown fan movies are not changing writing, and are still writing. They are just an extension of it. In a literal sense, fanfic is to novels as fanvids are to films. While it took years, eventually, it was bound to happen that fandom’s abilities caught up to that of the professionals. That is not to say though, that fanvids are the only real media to showcase fandom in for a movie or TV show. Fandom and its expressions are more than just the medium they are in. They are about the sentiments you feel, the power of the message, dedication to the original work.

Whether your passion for a show manifests itself as a playlist, a fanfic, fanvid, music video, spec script, fan art, homemade action figure or anything else, it’s all the same idea – it’s all “writing” of a sort. In that way, the medium one chooses to show their love generally doesn’t say much about the identity of the members or information they hope to convey. It instead just says what was available to the author at the time, and what medium best showcased the work. Speaking with specificity to Star Wars, a galaxy spanning serial with aliens and Cinnabun-hair, much of its image can be attributed to the look of the costumes and outfits. In the right costume, no matter how much less dashing he is, Marlon Brando could pull of Han Solo, except for the dead. With a show like The O.C., much of the identity of the characters lies in the actors themselves. They have no discerning hair or outfit that would allow you to suspend disbelief so easily as to think that Sarah Shenkowitz from Morristown, New Jersey is actually Marissa just because she’s blonde like Mischa Barton and wears skanky halter tops from Wet Seal.

Writing isn’t just limited to prose and short stories. Writing is much more than that – it’s at the heart of everything. We write our lives with our actions, and other very pretentious nonsense. If writing can be looked at as that, then within the confines of fandom, writing can be any showing of interest/fanlove/etc.

Online Rhetorics Blog #9

2008-04-11T13:41:00.001-05:00

While the Survivor fan community uses extreme scrutiny to find spoilers (satellite images of the island; what’s that about?), my communities, such as theoc_slash on LiveJournal, works just as hard to find the vaguest instances of homoeroticism. Theoc_slash deconstructs every scene of The OC, interpreting every hand touch and subtle glance as an outright declaration of undying love. It’s the kind of thing that I would look poorly on if I wasn’t totally guilty of doing it myself (I mean, come on; that goodbye hug Seth gave Ryan in the pilot was so un-heterosexual, there’s no other way to interpret that, right?).

The purposes of each community, the Survivor spoilers and the OC slashaholics, can be boiled down to pretty much the same thing: a need to find something more in something you already love. People look for spoilers because they don’t want to simply experience their show, they want to KNOW what’s going to happen, they want to feel like they’re an active part of it. It’s why interactive “games” like the Lost Experience for the ABC program Lost have come into existence. Similarly, it’s why people write slash fiction; when they aren’t getting it from the show itself, they make the universe their own instead.

In regards to cooperative-interactive, it helps crazies believe something is real when a lot of other crazies agree with them. If enough people decide that a character is DEFINITELY gay, despite the insurmountable heterosexual evidence begging to differ, you start to think that they must be right, because the Internet never lies. Individual is the breakdown into separate fans and writers who make up their own interpretations of how the gay happens. Do Seth and Ryan get it on in the pilot, halfway through Season Two, or not until far after the series, when they’re in their mid-twenties? It’s up to the individual to decide.

The fact that this is a fanfiction community is clearly how writing is used in this instance. There are more stories about these characters getting it on, Brokeback-style, than there are episodes of the actual series. It’s practically homosexual propaganda.

Online Rhetorics Blog #7

2008-03-14T18:08:00.000-05:00

A very apt example of how Heim’s 3 I’s and how they are applied is the ever-popular user-run encyclopedia, Wikipedia.

Wikipedia is an immensely comprehensive website, covering an almost infinite number of topics. You’d be hard-pressed to find a subject about which there is not an article. It is in this that you find immersion, in regards to how much information the site really holds. You can have one article, for example: ‘Disney’, that will have not only dozens of links to other articles within it, but whole tabs with related ones at the bottom, under different headings such as ‘The Walt Disney Company’ and ‘Walt Disney Parks and Resorts’. I know many people who have lost themselves for hours going from article to article, having no recollection when they reach the end of how they got there!

It is also user-run, meaning the pages are edited by its readers (though they are maintained by a higher power). This shows interactivity as the viewers are able to take in information and send back their own, creating a network of info-sharing. Information intensity comes from the fact that countless people are constantly interacting with Wikipedia to keep changing the information. It’s the sheer intensity of the millions of minds endlessly interacting and immersing themselves in the information on the website.

With convergence, Jenkins is talking about information spreading itself over multiple forms of media, a concept which has come true. Thanks to online newspapers, we can get the same printed information digitally, although at the same time, that same information was available via TV news nightly anyway, an earlier sign of convergence. Thinking about it this way, convergence has been around for a very long time, and while “prophets” like McLuhan stated that convergence would be a quick and easy transition, looking at how long it’s taken to establish TV as a viable news source, and to take the information on TV as more than just entertainment. To that extent, Pool was a much more profitable prophet, or at least more accurate, as he assumed convergence would be a slower process, which, at least to the social acceptability of the internet as a news/media outlet, it has, though I think it’s safe to say we’ve moved well past the “The internet is a phase” phase.

The I’s relate back to fanfiction as well. You immerse yourself in another world when you read and write about the fictional characters. You interact with other writers, giving and providing feedback. And more is constantly being added, which is information intensity.

Online Rhetorics Blog #6 & 8

2008-03-14T15:08:00.001-05:00

Online communities need a purpose (ie: writing, discussing, posting fangirlish LiveJournal icons of Chad Michael Murray), and a number of people who come together in the name of that purpose. There is also, typically, a hierarchy to them, with moderators who enforce the rules and regulations of the communities and then the regular members below them. Most communities, unfortunately, have more to them than that. There is the unofficial hierarchy, with older members lording seniority over newer ones and forming cliques with one another.

The community I’m a member of where this is most prevalent is theoc_slash on LiveJournal.

To begin with, the moderator has an enlarged ego and a sense of entitlement to match. When the series ‘The OC’ ended in February 2007, she made a post about it, and set it so that it’s always the most recent post on the community. In it, she states that she considered closing the community to new stories, but didn’t because it would make her “unpopular” with those “who still care to write”. There were immediately comments from members who felt this was a bad idea. The moderator replied to each comment simply with

“See comment in post above,

Mod”

And then added to her original post: “NONE of you had to jump down my throat about the closing of the community. Nowhere in the above did I say I was going to. If you reread it properly you will discover that fact. So how bout you all calm the hell down and give some real suggestions instead of jumping down my throat about the eight little words that held very little meaning.”

(It’s worth noting that this girl is not the person who created the community. Some time ago, the original moderators fell out of love with the fandom and asked for others to take it up in their stead. This girl was the first and most eager volunteer.)

When looking at the post again for this blog, I saw that further down in the comments there is a deleted post. The moderator’s response is still there, though. It says

“No one will answer your query here. Use the FAQ to figure out how to post here. I shall be deleting this comment.
Mod”

(And I would like to point out here that all of her posts are signed, not with her real name, or even her LiveJournal name, but “Mod” meaning “Moderator”.)

Moderators are needed, as shown in Dibble’s “A Rape in Cyberspace”. As I pointed out in an earlier blog, I am also a member of a much smaller community that had several hate postings. The moderator was needed to step in. However, let’s not forget, absolute power corrupts absolutely. When you give one person authority over hundreds, it’s easy for them to, not necessarily take advantage of it, but start believing they are entitled to it, and not that they are obligated toward those they are moderating. It’s basically techno-tyranny.

Another facet of theoc_slash community the cliques people seem to form. There are about half a dozen writers whose work is infinitely more popular and given more notice than others. Granted, some of these writers are talented, but they’re given almost celebrity status, something that I think no fanfiction writers should be given because, let’s be honest, we didn’t make this stuff up to begin with anyway.

For a community writing about a show about high schoolers, it’s interesting to see how much the members behave like they’re in high school. There’s the moderator, the “queen bee”, and the community members either love her and bow to her every whim or they hate her and talk about her behind her back.

Another community that I’m in, twoseekers, a Harry/Cedric pairing community, illustrates another interesting point about communities: how they can rise and fall in a short amount of time. When the fourth ‘Harry Potter’ film came out, and in part due to Robert Pattinson’s somewhat flamboyant portrayal of Cedric Diggory, the Harry/Cedric pairing exploded on the Internet. What had once been a dusty, barely-used community was suddenly bursting with posts, to the point that there was briefly a spin-off community, twoseekers_news, which catalogued the posts on the first one. It was, quite clearly, a waste of cyberspace, and quickly fell into disuse. In the months after, once the film was out of theaters, the community also fell back into unpopularity. Not completely, of course, because you can’t completely discredit the attention given by the ‘Goblet of Fire’ film, but attention did certainly plummet. The pairing was a brief fad for most, quickly picked up and then quickly put back down again.

Much like a ‘Saturday Night Live’ sketch, this blog started well, and had some good ideas, but sort of ends nowhere. There are a lot of concepts in this blog that I want to go back and flesh out with further thought.

Online Rhetorics Blog #4

2008-03-09T12:05:00.004-05:00

This essay brought me new respect for the power of text messages. That a government was able to be overthrown by a series of mobile phones talks about how powerful the digital age has become. In that way, "Smart Mobs" can be seen as about the power of a digital group connected only by technology and nothing else. That's their only way to share thoughts, and despite that, they still manage to cause a revolution.

More than just that, though, one phrase in "Smart Mobs" really caught my attention and helped me to best sum up the article: "sudden epidemics of cooporation." Through technology, people can create networks. Networks can be computers sharing files, social networks, or whatever people want them to be. But with the internet, we are able to establish more intimate, specific types of networks. It's almost as if there is a group online for every interest, fetish, and pairing you can imagine. Once we find similarly minded people, we are able to begin bonding and sharing.

When people spend a lot of time together, they can begin to share traits like using the same words or gestures. What's different about digital groups is that they don't spend physical time with each other. The communication is all done facelessly but amazingly, people development that same mindedness anyway.

Rheingold says in some ways, these group mentalities are like the mindless ants, bees, etc, that live their life on collective impulses, knowing their jobs and what they have to get done, to exchange and coordinate knowledge. And in a way, the internet can become that way, where people each contribute what they do because it's what's necessary and fits a mold.

Online Rhetorics Blog #2

2008-03-09T11:25:00.005-05:00

Even though the internet and Virutal reality are strangely different beasts, that doesn't mean we can't learn from one to the other, and through the three I's, Heim shows us that these ideas still apply from one to the other. The three I's are immersion, interactivity, and information intensity, and are all required to make VR worlds possible. He talks about how through immersion we are able to leave the world we are in behind and find ourselves in the simulated world we have chosen to enter. For example, without the whole of a VR simulation looking like the world we are pretending it is, how can we believe it's true? Imagine that you've entered a virtual world designed to look like Alice in Wonderland, you fall down the rabbit hole, and you see The Mad Hatter, The Queen of Hearts, and a big gaping blue screen with absolutely nothing on it. That clearly would break the magic. The interactivity is that the environment changes as fast as you can think it, so it seems that the fake world is interacting with you. This way, when Alice falls down the rabbit hole, Alice really falls down the rabbit hole. And, as stated by Heim, the information intensity is what makes it all possible.

This article, while about antiquated VR technology can also be applied to the study of fandom and the ideals of the internet. Immersion can come to mean something new, such as immerging yourself in the fan community, truly becoming a part of its online culture and adapting to its society. This would include learning the terminology or abbreviations for things, looking forward to the next part of a multiple part story, getting to know the other members on a more personal basis, more than just the fandom itself. The information intensity is still the same idea, but it has changed to fit the new medium the material is coming through in. Now, the information intensity could refer to the endless number of people in a fandom. With countless people able to give new information on a regular basis, it's like a machine, constantly updating the environment so Alice never has to reach the edge of Wonderland.

Myron and Lanier both worked to develop a technology capible of creating artificial experiences that feel like the real world. Even though they worked years apart, and more importantly, years ago, their work has helped to shape the video games and java-script chatrooms we use and play on today.

Woolley and Heim both talk about telepresence, or "a capibility for remote causation: someone can experience how things are being affected through robotic tools, as if those things were actually in reach." While Heim and Woolley meant it in reference to the virtual world, it means something different now, with so many people able to do so much using the internet. We are able to live through and experience things that we could not have in our lives through the "magic" of the internet, a form of virtual reality that Heim probably never dreamed would have become the worlds most powerful tool for the exchange of ideas, concepts, and to experience immersion, interactivity, and information intensity. Heim talks about how networked computers can make the the three I's seem more powerful, but I'm not sure if he ever dreamed up that the whole world would be networked by a limitless invisible series of roads leading to every door in almost every home everywhere.

Online Rhetorics Blog #5

2008-02-22T22:31:00.001-05:00

The closest I have come to what Dibbell described is the censorship of extremely negative feedback posted on fanfiction. I don’t mean overly critical, I mean actually negative, people who have posted hate notes in response to a story’s content. Most people ignore negative feedback. On one community, the moderator changed the community’s settings so that no one except members could post comments. This was done, I might add, without the consent or permission of the members. Which isn’t to say that I disapprove the moderator’s actions. However, it does make you think about how much power those few people in control have. For example, on LiveJournal, should a moderator decide to shut down the community entirely, the members have no power to argue. It’s the difference between real-world communities and online ones; if the leader of a real-world community wants bow out, the others still have the ability to meet on their own terms. If you shut down an online community of 900+ members, the majority of whom are more watchers than participants, it would be extremely difficult to start a new one and get the same members to rejoin.

Online Rhetorics Blog #3

2008-02-22T20:12:00.001-05:00

Turkle seems to imply that there is no concrete definition of identity, because it changes as the times dictate. I would agree with this assessment, to a fault. I think there are certain things about identity that don’t change. For example, I believe that our identities physically and online vary only in what we present. However, this is also how they’re similar: we show different things, both physically and online, depending on the environment. It’s something prevalent in most people’s lives. For example, when I was working in a small drug store in a small down, I kept my sexual identity a secret. Now that I’m working in Disney, and I am part of a work force of many from all different walks of life, I have no problem being out about my sexuality. Same on the Internet, on my “personal” LiveJournal I omit certain parts of my life, i.e.: if I’m angry with a friend, because that friend might read it and be offended. Everyone who’s ever been in a fight with someone and complained about that person to someone else (and Lordy have we all done that) has different identities that they present; you’re showing a different face to those two different people, aren’t you? But there’s more to it than that, I know. Because for some there are entire aspects of your personality that you don’t share with people. I was talking just earlier today with someone about certain sexual proclivities that I’m sure this person keeps a secret from most. It’s a large part of their sexual identity that they keep hidden from others, for fear of judgment or ridicule.

The “identity” issue also makes me think of role playing to an extent. People either create characters or simply mimic the existing in groups and chats for fun. It is IMMENSELY complicated work, and some of them role play four or five characters at LEAST. It takes a staggering amount of attention and dedication that I personally don’t understand; I have enough trouble remembering how to be ME. The point is, a lot of these people DO lose part of themselves in these fantasy worlds, either unintentionally or because they simply don’t want to be THEM anymore.

Online writing has the benefit of making it easier to find an audience who understands your voice. If you’re writing in the physical world, looking for a publication is difficult. You have more access to a larger number of people through the Internet.

Online Rhetorics Blog #1

2008-02-22T19:37:00.000-05:00

The idea that Wooley claimed that the Internet’s affect spilled into the physical world in the very early 90s actually seems laughable now, more than a decade and a half later. There is no longer even a question of how cyberspace affects the world – you can’t throw a 4GB data disc without hitting a café with free WiFi. How many people check their e-mail at least three times a day, which is three times more than they check the mailbox on the outside of their house. Even I barely consider myself to truly be someone’s friend until they’ve added me on Facebook. The Internet is how we communicate, how we make friends, and, sadly, for some people, how we try to find love. It’s become such a commonplace tool that I shudder to think what we’d do if we had to go without it for an extended period of time.

Final Blog

2007-05-02T09:17:00.000-05:00

i did not think that i would mesh well with this course. i have never been all that interested in non-fiction as a genre. however, i rather enjoyed it. professor chandler made the course fun and interesting. i did a lot of work that i'm very proud of, work i might never have done if i hadn't been encouraged by her to do so. i am definitely taking a lot away from this course, and will remember it fondly.

Blog 17

2007-04-23T08:57:00.000-05:00

Kevin Risse

Writing About Writing essay

When I first starting taking Creative Non-Fiction, there were certain things I told myself I would never write about. One thing, in specific, actually. Our teacher told us that we were supposed to write about things in our lives, personal things, so I knew I would be putting my life experiences onto the page. Still, there were some things I refused to touch upon in my writing.

At least, that’s what I thought.

So when it came time to do my personal essay, the first essay in the course, I put a lot of thought into what I wanted to write about. Ultimately, I came up with an experience I had in high school: trying out for my high school’s musical. It was a good experience for me, and meant a great deal to me. It was an immense milestone in my life. But I still wasn’t satisfied with the content, or even the quality of the work. I knew it wasn’t terrible, but there was no spark to it. I didn’t feel strongly about it at all.

When I did my workshop with Dr. Chandler for the essay, we discussed the high and low points of what I’d written. During the course of our meeting, I brought up a more sensitive subject, the one I told myself I would never write about. The professor encouraged me to pursue this topic, but I continued to have my doubts.

Our next essay was the memoir. My topic was another incident from high school, where I came to a friend’s defense in front of a group of hooligans. I had always been particularly proud of this moment. However, when I wrote it down I found that it wasn’t very compelling material. Even though I was personally satisfied by the experience itself, I was not satisfied with the written retelling.

Finally, it came time to turn in a revised version of either the personal essay or the memoir. I was faced with a dilemma. I was not exceptionally taken by either of these essays. So which would be better if I liked neither?

That’s when it struck me.

Even then, the subject that I had been avoiding writing for so long was still tugging at my mind. I wanted to write it, more than I wanted to revise either of my previous works. So, instead of coming up with a final draft, I decided to do a completely new one.

The topic was my experience of being in love with a close friend and how that unrequited love affected my life. It was something that so consumed my every waking moment for so long that I was afraid to open that door and let it all in again. I was worried that putting my feelings on paper would make me feel worse rather than better. In spite of this, I began writing. I started at the beginning, when we first met, and just kept on going.

I wrote non-stop, filling in every detail of our friendship. Each longing-filled moment that we spent together scrolled across my computer screen. Every kind gesture, every lingering stare, every confusing moment was marked as I mapped out the course of our friendship. There no feeling, no emotional attachment, behind my writing, other than a fervent need to get my thoughts down. Before I knew it, four hours and eight pages had gone by without a single pause in my steady stream of consciousness.

Once the work was done, I felt oddly unchanged. It was satisfying to get all of my thoughts out, the whole turmoil of mixed emotions, but I didn’t feel any sort of release from doing it.

I suppose that was the lesson I needed to learn from writing the essay. Even after I putting my feelings down, I don’t lose them. They will always stay with me. The only thing I can do by writing about them is to try and get a better understanding of them.

Blog 16

2007-04-23T08:45:00.000-05:00

The essay I chose to reflect on was my final draft for the personal essay/memoir piece. What I wrote about was how I came to write about the subject I used and how I felt after having written the essay.

Nature Essay

2007-04-02T00:26:00.001-05:00

Kevin Risse

“The Woods are Lovely, Dark, and Deep”

Snow can be violent and terrifying.

I spun out once, during a snow storm.

I was driving to work one afternoon. It wasn’t exactly rush hour, but I have work at three-thirty, and I travel down a road where a large school is located. So you can imagine there was some amount of traffic. I pulled up to the stop sign, about to turn onto that road. I pressed on the brakes – and kept pressing, for all the good it did me. They jolted, and made a *chunkchunkchunk* sound as their only response. Slowly, slooowly, the car slid out into the steady stream of traffic.

Slid out, and began to spin, in the middle of one of the most commonly used roads in my town, surrounded by soccer-mom-driven minivans.

My heart clenched with panic. This had never happened to me before. I’d experience car trouble before, mostly stalling, which, as it turned out, was a malfunction and easily fixed. But this was something else entirely. I was spinning, surrounded by bright headlights and white snow. I tried to remember what I was supposed to do: turn into the skid or away? It was impossible to recall at that moment.

So instead I did nothing. Well, no, not nothing, I took my foot off the brake, because my mother had drilled that much into my head enough times to remember. But other than that, nothing. I simply sat. Waited. Rode it out with my heart thudding against my chest, filling me with dread. Until, finally, it stopped.

By some miracle, both my car and myself were unharmed. I guess everyone else was in control of their vehicles enough to avoid my turbulence. After regaining my composure, I right my position on the road and drive on, shaken, but made a little more cautious by the experience.

Snow can be peaceful and comforting.

It was the first heavy snowfall of the season when my friend Jade and I decided to go for a walk.

The lawns, the sidewalks, the road were all the purest white. We passed by a school with a field out back. It looked like a clean sheet of paper, a blank canvas just waiting for the marks of fresh footprints.

I was reminded of the Robert Frost poem, “Stopping By Woods on a Snowy Evening.” You know the one. About the man who stops in his travels by a forest as it fills up with snow. I usually only think about that poem when I’m very tired, and only the last lines. “The woods are lovely, dark, and deep./But I have promises to keep./And miles to go before I sleep,/and miles to go before I sleep.” But now, watching waves of white flakes dance down from the heavens, I think only of the snowier aspect of the poem.

We didn’t walk too far, no more than a few blocks from home. We spent more time standing outside her house talking than we did actually walking around. She spiked my hair up with ice, and laughed as she said it was a good look for me. I told he I probably wouldn’t agree if I had a mirror, but took her word for it.

As I walked home, once we said our goodbyes, I contemplated the winter wonderland that I was strolling through. I’ve often heard of snow referred to as a blanket, but I never gave it much consideration until that moment. I thought of the earth as slumbering beneath it.

It made me smile to think that even planet Earth herself needed sleep.

Snow can be beautiful, a true pleasure for the senses. And it can be a deadly, dangerous threat. And it can change in an instant between the two.

literary journalism piece

2007-03-28T08:48:00.001-05:00

figured i'd post it.

- - -

“They Don’t Call ‘Em ‘Fanatics’ For Nothing”

There was a time where television was nothing more than a spectator sport. The most involvement viewers had was watching it. More recently, however, fan involvement has increased to the point where their influence is crucial to a show’s survival.

With the advent of the Internet, it has almost become hard not to become more involved in the programs you love. With all of the fan websites and message boards and chatrooms out there, it’s easy to immerse yourself in a community of similar fans.

Many fans, however, go beyond merely compiling picture galleries and lists of their favorite quotes. There are whole communities devoted to ensuring the safety of their programs. As television production has become more about financial gain than producing excellent work, shows that are of a higher quality are cancelled for low viewership. As a result, the fans feel the need to step in and do their part to persuade executives from canning their beloved programs.

When the show Roswell seemed on the verge of cancellation after its first season, fans sent thousands of bottles of Tabasco (the preferred condiment of the series’ aliens) to network executives, pleading to save the show. When Everwood lay on the chopping block in 2006, fans rented a Ferris wheel (a reference to a scene from the pilot) and hosted a non-cancellation party in a parking lot outside the network’s offices. After Farscape was cancelled, fans began a huge campaign in hopes of pressuring the Sci-Fi Channel into renewing the series. Fans of Veronica Mars, another show continually in danger of being chopped, formed a group called Cloud Watchers, who hired a plane to fly a banner reading “RENEW VERONICA MARS! CW 2006!”[SC1]

“I suppose you could argue that its part of the democratization that's entering the .remain anonymous.

As a teenager, she was involved in a different sort of campaign: one to romantically reunite the characters of Buffy and Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The campaign, called “Love Will Lead Us”, involved contacting Buffy fans and asking them to sign a petition that would then be sent to creator Joss Whedon.

“People want to feel like they have control over what they see,” she says. “I think when people feel emotionally attached to shows they're willing to get really involved to try to save them.”

When asked about her fan crusade as a teenager, she laughed and said, “I just really, really loved Buffy and Angel. I was 13 or so. I think there was definitely an element of living vicariously there.” As to whether or not she would ever do the same now that she’s older, she says, “I think I'm a little better able to distinguish between fantasy and reality.”

But what makes fans so attached? How do you explain the radical lengths to which some fans will go for their programs?

“I think part of it was that its excellent escapism,” said one fan. “And part of it is that both of those shows in particular were good at magnifying emotions that I was already having. “As a teenager you're very hyperbolic anyway. And you think, ‘This is the end of the world! My life is over. No, you don't understand the depths of my pain!’ And Buffy and Roswell created worlds which were so exaggerated that it matched what I was feeling.”

Oftentimes fan involvement has yielded very positive results. Because of the rabid cult following that the cancelled show Firefly garnered, it was eventually spun off into the feature film Serenity. Farscape fans’ bombardment of emails to the Sci-Fi Channel resulted in the production of a miniseries to wrap up the series’ remaining plotlines.

There was a time where, if you were so involved in a show you watched on television, you were considered bizarre. Today, with the kind of effects you can produce from being such an active participant, it’s unacceptable not to be!

my ACTUAL personal essay thing

2007-03-26T08:48:00.000-05:00

this is what i ended up using for my personal essay/memoir thing. lisa's making me post it. so here:

- - - - - - -

“A Lifetime of Considering the Possibilities.”

So you’ve fallen in love.
Do you regret it?

The boy is younger than you. Not by much, only about a year or so. A freshman. You don’t really know him all that well. Don’t know him at all, really, except as a freshman who’s on drum line with you.
You’ve just fallen off your last crush, the one you’ve had since seventh grade. Gavin Green. You two were best friends. Until you told him, in rather uncertain terms, that you had feelings for him. Now you two don’t really speak that much. He avoids looking at you in the halls.
So you set your sights on someone new.
His name is also Gavin. And the irony isn’t completely lost on you.
You don’t really know how it struck you. But you remember the moment it did, seeing him head to the back of the band room, where the drum section sits. You always suspected he might be a queer, but didn’t give it much thought. Then it hits you, sudden and glaring: you find him desirable.
There’s nothing you’d like more than to come clean about it. Tell him how you feel. See his reaction. But come on. This is high school. It’s all about the drama, isn’t it? Even if the world was a more tolerant place, where you could be open about who you are without fear of reprisal, there’s still the social and sexual politics that go with being a teenager.
So instead you plot. You scheme. You concoct ways to get closer to him. Inform all of your friends how you feel. Never him. You gather friends around him under the pretense of wanting to bring him into your social circle.
You consider yourself crafty.

It’s not hard to spend time with him during the band trip to Disney World. Your extended social circle and his more limited one sort of overlap, and so it’s inconspicuous. Rachel, Rebecca, and Rhea help you out. Help him feel welcomed.
On an excruciatingly long line for one of the theme park’s rides, you and Rhea sing a few songs you know. Josie and the Pussycats. S Club 7. And, naturally, Disney songs.
“Are you in chorus?” he asks you.
You tell him you’re not, and he insists that you should audition. You never thought you were that good, so you’re doubly touched that it is he who feels that you are.
After the trip, you hope he forgets. Although you would love to have another class with him, to be able to see him twice as much as you already do in a school day. Embarrassment beats out teenage lust every time. He doesn’t forget, though. He chases you down, makes you audition. You hope it means something.
Even with this, though, you don’t see him much. No real excuse to spend time with him. It’s a stroke of luck when Sydney signs you, her, and Rhea up to participate in a sort of Battle of the Bands being held at the community center. You use this to your advantage. You need his help. Drum lessons. That’ll work.
So you spend more time together. At Sydney and Rhea’s house. You ignore the fact that he’s begun dating a girl in his grade. You try and act like you’re being casual when you grill him as to how far he’s gone with her. You convince yourself that he’s merely confused. It happens, right? Sure. Of course.
You yell at Rhea for standing to close to you one morning while you’re all standing around waiting for the bell to ring. You tell her you don’t want him to get the wrong impression. You make her cry, and feel rightfully ashamed.
Gavin gives you his phone number, and his screen name. You’re friends now. You save the scrap of paper he’s scribbled the information on in your dresser drawer. For a long time.
When he breaks up with his girlfriend, you conceal your glee as best you can.
And you consider it progress.

Over the summer, your friendship grows.
He hangs out at Sydney and Rhea’s house with the rest of your group, when he can. He invites the three of you to his family’s house in Pennsylvania. Your father has just left your mother, so you can use the distraction. As you sit on a boat dock in the dwindling evening sunlight, the four of you discuss your favorite places, fun and exciting lands.
“My favorite place,” Gavin says as he picks at the wooden dock, “is sitting right here, with my best friends in the whole entire world.
“Awww,” you and Rhea respond playfully.
You both tease him a bit for the sappiness of his comment. He smiles, embarrassed for his honesty. On the inside, you’re soaring.
He comes up to Sydney and Rhea’s house in Vermont. The four of you go. You decide that it’s time to tell him. That you’re gay, at least. With the desired result being him telling you that he’s also gay. With the desired result being a love affair to make all others jealous.
You’re climbing around on the roof of the garage when Rhea sends him out to talk to you. You tiptoe around the subject for a while. It’s still hard to come out, even after two years’ experience. You can’t really look him in the eye as you say it. Then finally, it’s out.
“I’m gay.”
He takes it in stride. You’re not entirely surprised, because you didn’t try very hard to conceal the truth from him. And for a minute, just one minute, you’re elated, because he’s okay with it, and with you.
Then he asks, “Can I tell you a secret?”
You nod. And for a split second you hope. But you know better. Because if it was everything you’d hoped for, he wouldn’t be using that tone of voice. And he wouldn’t be avoiding you gaze, the same way you’d been throughout your whole conversation.
Then he says, “I sort of like Rhea.”
You consider throwing yourself off the garage roof.
(Okay, not really.)

The progression of Gavin and Rhea’s friendship into flirtation was subtle. So subtle that, if you hadn’t been in love with him yourself, you might have missed it. But you were. So you didn’t.
Love’s funny like that.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
You and Gavin have a day-long drum line camp to attend together. It puts the whole mess out of your mind for a few hours. Until dinner rolls around. And some of the older boys ask Gavin if he has a girlfriend.
“Sort of,” is his response.
“Bullshit!” you call, more venomously than you intended to. That doesn’t mean you rein it in, though. “You guys aren’t dating! What are you talking about?”
He’s admonished by this, at first. At first. Then, somehow, your words seem to strengthen his resolve. And he says he’s going to call her, after practice. But you get there first. You move some distance away from him, and call her on your cell phone.
“I think Gavin’s going to call you to tell you he has feelings for you,” you tell her.
“Oh,” is what she has to say for herself.
And you know there’s nothing you can do to stop this.
Soon after, they’re officially dating. She still seems to think he might be gay, the same way she always has. And yet she dates him.
It’s a sunny Wednesday afternoon during the week of band camp. It’s August, sweltering hot. He goes over her house, while her parents aren’t home. The door’s left open for you to join, though you know you’re not entirely wanted. But you go anyway.
Your head is so mixed up with churning, conflicting emotions, knowing what’s going on every second you’re not there. That’s probably why you crashed your bike.
Not ‘oops, I fell over’ crashed, either. Your knee is torn and bleeding. Your shirt is ripped. The side of your face is skinned. And oh god does it hurt. A passing car stops to ask if you’re all right. You nod, and give a shaky “I-I’m fine” so the woman can simply drive on, feeling like she did all she could.
You’re only half way to Rhea’s house. You still need to ride another three blocks.
You make it, finally, and pound on the side door. It’s a while before there’s an answer, and you know exactly why. Your wounds deepen. When the door finally opens, you collapse against the frame.
“I c-couldn’t make it up th-the front steps,” you explain hastily.
Your friends immediately begin to fuss over you. You’re dragged to the upstairs bathroom, with a lot of help. Gavin dresses your wounds. Tenderly.
Sydney comes home a while later. You explain why you’re so heavily bandaged to her. You don’t know it yet, but the scar on your knee will still be there five years later. You catch a glimpse of Gavin and Rhea kissing in the den. And oh god does it hurt.
You consider what you could have possibly done to deserve this pain.

Hearing about their unseemly sexual deeds doesn’t provide you with any sort of comfort. That doesn’t stop you from asking about them. From picturing them.
You mask the pain. You playfully term how far they’ve gone as ‘short stop’ – making out sans clothing. You tell all of your friends. It’s funny. It’s a joke. It’s a sad way of getting back a little piece of what was taken from you in this whole mess. Oddly, it doesn’t provide much comfort, either.
They go this far within a month of dating. Your stomach turns. You make a silly rule that they aren’t allowed to have sex until you do, because you’re older. They consent, somehow. Never go farther. And a part of you that won’t let go of him takes this as a sign. Takes everything as a sign. Every word, every subtle nuance.
Looking back, you won’t entirely be sure how your friendship with Rhea survived this incident. Maybe friendship is thicker than a crush. Maybe you never really thought it would happen to begin with. Somehow, you survive.
The relationship last through fall and half of winter. And then, with no explanation, with no warning, he ends it.
You consider this… You just consider it.

Things are surprisingly not awkward where he being a part of your friend group is concerned. He is not expelled without hesitation, and he and Rhea are not on terrible terms, in spite of how close they became over the few months they were together.
You’re not overjoyed. This surprises you more than anything.
Your feelings for him decrease for a long time. It could be because he was a jerk to your friend. It could be out of loyalty to Rhea. It isn’t a conscious thing, so you don’t analyze it much.
He isn’t completely out of your head though, or your heart. The feelings linger there, in some dark corner, waiting to be rediscovered.
Then, toward the end of your junior year, they strike again.
And you once more consider Gavin Mitchell.

It would be an understatement to say that your senior year of high school revolved entirely around Gavin.
You use every opportunity you can get to be close to him. More fiercely than ever before. You go far out of your way, volunteering to drive half an hour to his father’s house to drop him off at the end of the evening just so you can spend time with him. You begin playing that game, where you tell yourself that the next song that comes on the radio is a sign as to whether or not you’re fated to be together. And then when a class assignment is to write a paper about a song that has meaning for you, you use that song, and him, writing with thinly veiled pronouns to hide your still-not-yet-public sexuality.
You start compiling a file in your head of all his strange behavior. Like when, on a bus ride back from a night game, you rest your head on his shoulder saying you’re going to sleep, and he doesn’t argue, even when you spend the entire ride engaged in conversation with him, Rhea, and Callie.
You never once consider it a waste of your time to analyze these things over and over and over again.

Early October is both his and Rachel’s birthday.
His is celebrated on Friday, after the Friday night football game. Immediately afterward you and the rest of your group heads over to his house. You watch silly television, you eat cake.
At some point he gets up. So you steal his seat. Naturally. It’s a big, comfy chair, much more acclimating than the couch. He returns and, instead of moving to the couch, scrunches up next to you in his original seat.
“Look at Gavin and Matt sitting in that chair together!” his mother cackles.
She makes a few more comments about how funny it is that we would share the one seat, He doesn’t say a word about it. Neither do you.
The next night is Rachel’s party. Rachel isn’t really a part of our immediate group, so only you and Gavin attend. You aren’t sure how well this will go, considering your unfamiliarity with the crowd, so you come up with an exit strategy. You’ll leave early to pick your friend Liz up from work, and go with her back to Sydney and Rhea’s house. Then he’ll call you when he’s ready, and you’ll take him back to Syd and Rhea’s, too.
As you both climb out of your car, Gavin says to you, “Want to go get ice cream after this? My treat.”
It’s such an odd thing for him to say that you agree without even thinking.
You don’t do so well at Rachel’s party. Most of her friends are not your friends, and your shyness is almost crippling. You sit in a chair on her porch, uncomfortable, unnoticed, while others around you talk and laugh.
Then Gavin notices. He looms over you protectively, taps the toe of your shoe gently with his.
“You okay?” he asks. Caring. Considerate. You nod, because you want him to enjoy himself. His concern is enough to hearten you until Liz calls.
You go through with the plan. You pick Liz up, you go to Syd and Rhea’s house. You wait for him to call. Which he does.
He bounds out from the backyard to greet you, and the two of you climb back into your car. No mention of the ice cream he promised early, and you’re too timid to bring it up yourself.
You consider what could’ve made him forget.

Late October is, of course, Halloween.
Last year you were the Mystery Inc. Gang from Scooby Doo with Gavin, Rhea, Sydney, and Callie. Good enough to make it into the yearbook. This year, you talk them all, except Callie, into being the gang from Fraggle Rock. You spend weeks being excited, planning your costume, planning the others’ costumes. You do all of the work for Gavin’s costume.
You ask him to sleep over.
It’s a foolhardy plan. You aren’t even sure what you were thinking. What, you’d invite him over, you’d share a bed, you’d make a move, he’d go for it, and you’d both fall madly in love? You know it’s ridiculous, but you’re still incredibly bitter when he can’t. Doesn’t turn you down. Can’t. You spend the entire day with a scowl on your face, and refuse to smile for pictures. You tell yourself it’s because you want to remember the foul mood later. You don’t realize that you will, and how much the regret will fill you because of it.
When your sister is raped a few weeks later, he’s the first person you tell. Probably because you want his reaction the most. After he finishes reading the lengthy note you’ve written regarding it, you comes to you and hugs you, awkwardly, but hugs you nonetheless.
You consider why you were so dissatisfied by this.

You didn’t take off from work on your birthday to audition for the school play, Les Misérables. It just so happened that the two events landed on the same day. You hang around the auditorium with Gavin and Rhea and Rachel and debate and vacillate and try to come to a decision as to whether you should do it.
In the end, you turn in an audition sheet. Because he said you could do it. And because it’ll give you a chance to be closer to him. The same reason you joined choir when you didn’t think you could do it.
For your birthday, he gives you a note with a quote about the bonds of friendship being unbreakable, through thick and thin. He signs it “love.” It takes the place in your dresser drawer where his phone number used to be.
Auditioning for the play turns out to be a good decision. It turns out to be about more than just Gavin. You have great experiences, and boost in your self-confidence. You make new friends. You have a purpose.
That doesn’t mean you don’t mouth the words to “One My Own” along with Eponine, all the while hating Elaine, the girl who plays her, because Gavin likes her instead of you. It also doesn’t mean that you aren’t burning with jealousy as you wait for him to finish rehearsing the scene where Marius is carried through the sewers by Jean Valjean, or wonder if Gavin would rather be with him than you.
But you take the good with the bad. Because you did get to carry his books for him and dote over him when he hurt his back during tech week, didn’t you? And wasn’t he grateful?
You consider it a good experience. And you know, for once, that you’re right.

After skipping a cancelled band trip in your junior year, you’re even more excited for one your senior year. Because it’s another opportunity to be closer to him. Something you wouldn’t have had the year before, when he and Rhea had just broken up.
On the bus ride to Virginia, he falls asleep on your shoulder. The urge to dip your head and press your lips to his is so strong you think your chest might explode. You settle for a smirk as Callie takes a picture of the two of you pressed together.
At a restaurant stop, two of the girls from band tell you that you’re hot. Without a word, he slowly steps between you and them. Protectively. Possessively.
Speaking of possessive, you check the call history when he uses your cell phone, and throw a hissyfit when you correctly believe he’s called a girl from a neighboring town’s production of Les Mis. You’re surprised when he doesn’t overreact to your overreaction. Quite the opposite.
“We’re sharing a bed?” he asks.
Only it’s not really a question or a request. The way he says it, it’s almost like he’s reconfirming something you’d already agreed upon.
“Sure,” is all you can manage.
And again all you can do as you’re falling asleep is consider the fact that you’re sharing a bed, and you didn’t even have to ask.

For Easter your mother gives you a cheap plastic picture frame. It has the words “through thick and thin” written across it over and over again.
“I thought you could put that picture of you and Gavin in it,” she tells you.
This is how you know that she knows.
Soon after that, you meet someone. Sort of.
Sydney found a girlfriend. And her girlfriend’s friend has a friend who’s gay. And because that’s just how things work when you’re eighteen, it’s only natural that you two would then date.
You have a lot in common. You’re able to talk for hours. You’re up chatting online so late one night that you decide to skip school the next day. Your cell phone is flooded with text messages from him.
You finally meet him after a week or two. He’s cute. He’s funny. He’s kind. He’s polite, to your friends, to your mom.
You like him. A lot.
But you don’t love him.
“He’s nice,” your mother says after she meets him. “But he’s no Gavin.”
This is how you realize that he’s not.
And for the first time, you seriously consider telling him the truth.

Prom has passed. Prom weekend at his dad’s beach house has passed. It’s been more than two years, and nothing has happened between the two of you. You come to the realization that you are about to graduate high school and you still can’t admit to this boy how you feel.
So you do it.
You take the coward’s way out, and write it down in a very tiny, very brief note. “I have feelings for you” buried among a bunch of other words to dilute the message. You give it to him after first period. See, every day after sixth period, he waits for you. Because you and Callie have math across the hall from him and Callie’s boyfriend Derek. And every day he and Derek wait, him for you and Derek for Callie. They wait to walk each of you to class. He started this without you ever asking him to. And now, you think, if he reads the note and still waits, it means that at least he’s okay.
You spend the four and a half hours until seventh period on pins and needles, agonizing over whether or not he’ll wait. An immense weight is lifted when you find that he did.
“Did you read the note?” is the first thing you say to him.
The reply is, “Not yet.”
The weight falls again. Only, because it’s the last day of regular classes before the end of the year, it is now doubled by sadness when you realize that you will never know if he would’ve waited had he known the truth.
Because by eighth period, he’s read it.
His complete lack of a reaction isn’t hurtful. It’s confusing, and irritating. If he’d broken your heart, you would have been devastated at least. But he shrugs off your feelings like you’d said you were considering getting a haircut.
It’s probably for this reason that you stole his car at the choir pool party and drove it to your therapy session. Your therapist is kind enough not to deem this act sociopathic.
When he demands that you pay him for the gas you used, you throw your wallet in his face and storm off. You sit in your own car and stew for a while. Without you asking her to, Sydney joins you. You sit in silence.
You consider what will happen next. And you know it can’t be what you’ve hoped.

At the graduation ceremony, you avoid speaking to him. You don’t want his congratulations, and don’t want to know what sort he would’ve given you in light of everything anyway.
You tell yourself you’re not in love with him anymore. Because if there was a point, some way he could return your feelings, he would’ve done it by now.
But then he invites you to stay at his house in Pennsylvania again. Just you this time. No one else. The two of you drive down on your own.
“Just so you know,” he tells you as you drive, “I don’t like Elaine anymore.”
And goddammit. God. Dammit. You can feel it coming on. You can feel that burning question of why, why would he mention that, so completely out of the blue, even more so because now he knows how you feel.
And whether you like it or not, whether you want to or not, whether you hate it or not, you once more begin to consider Gavin Mitchell.

You fell in love.
Do you regret it?

- - - - - - -

:D

Blog 11 - Literary Journalism Piece

2007-03-24T13:36:00.000-05:00

Kevin Risse

“They Don’t Call ‘Em ‘Fanatics’ For Nothing”

There was a time where television was nothing more than a spectator sport. The most involvement viewers had was watching it. More recently, however, fan involvement has increased to the point where their influence is crucial to a show’s survival.

With the advent of the Internet, it has almost become hard not to become more involved in the programs you love. With all of the fan websites and message boards and chatrooms out there, it’s easy to immerse yourself in a community of similar fans.

Many fans, however, go beyond merely compiling picture galleries and lists of their favorite quotes. There are whole communities devoted to ensuring the safety of their programs. As television production has become more about financial gain than producing excellent work, shows that are of a higher quality are cancelled for low viewership. As a result, the fans feel the need to step in and do their part to persuade executives from canning their beloved programs.

When the show Roswell seemed on the verge of cancellation after its first season, fans sent thousands of bottles of Tabasco (the preferred condiment of the series’ aliens) to network executives, pleading to save the show. When Everwood lay on the chopping block in 2006, fans rented a Ferris wheel (a reference to a scene from the pilot) and hosted a non-cancellation party in a parking lot outside the network’s offices. After Farscape was cancelled, fans began a huge campaign in hopes of pressuring the Sci-Fi Channel into renewing the series. Fans of Veronica Mars, another show continually in danger of being chopped, formed a group called Cloud Watchers, who hired a plane to fly a banner reading “RENEW VERONICA MARS! CW 2006!”

“I suppose you could argue that its part of the democratization that's entering the entertainment industry with shows like American Idol,” said one fan who wished to remain anonymous.

As a teenager, she was involved in a different sort of campaign: one to romantically reunite the characters of Buffy and Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The campaign, called “Love Will Lead Us”, involved contacting Buffy fans and asking them to sign a petition that would then be sent to creator Joss Whedon.

“People want to feel like they have control over what they see,” she says. “I think when people feel emotionally attached to shows they're willing to get really involved to try to save them.”

When asked about her fan crusade as a teenager, she laughed and said, “I just really, really loved Buffy and Angel. I was 13 or so. I think there was definitely an element of living vicariously there.” As to whether or not she would ever do the same now that she’s older, she says, “I think I'm a little better able to distinguish between fantasy and reality.”

Oftentimes fan involvement has yielded very positive results. Because of the rabid cult following that the cancelled show Firefly garnered, it was eventually spun off into the feature film Serenity. Farscape fans’ bombardment of emails to the Sci-Fi Channel resulted in the production of a miniseries to wrap up the series’ remaining plotlines.

- - -

not much, i know. but it's a start, anyway.

Blog 09 - Literary Journalism Piece Pre-Writing

2007-03-24T13:32:00.000-05:00

i SWEAR to GOD i already posted THIS and my pre-draft on wednesday. i did it in class, i swear. i don't know why they aren't up here. so i'll just post them again.

without going too much into detail, seeing as i've already written it (and posted it once, grrr), for my lit journalism piece i plan to focus on television shows with cult followings and what those followings do for the show and mean to the fans. some shows i plan to reference are veronica mars, roswell, and farscape.

el oh el, jay kay, my actual Blog 08 Entry

2007-03-18T23:15:00.000-05:00

I've chosen to work on my personal essay rather than my memoir.

My memoir, I felt, was more of an anecdote than something I could completely flesh out. It is an important story, to me, but I don't think there is too much more that I can say about it other than what's been already said.

Blog 08 - "Truth"

2007-02-28T09:28:00.000-05:00

I unfortunately had to miss class on Monday because of extreme car trouble (dead battery). I see that this blog subject is related to something we covered in class that day, but even so, I'd like to take a stab at it.

"Truth" and accountability are very personal matters. An author needs to be comfortable himself with the level of honesty he brings to the story. There are topics that I personally might not be fully honest about depending on who I knew would read it. In this class, I feel I can be honest because no one knows me. But if, say, my crush who talked me into auditioning for my high school play was to read my Personal Essay, I might edit out the part about him. I don't believe I would do it dishonestly, simply omit why I auditioned.

Impartiality is another matter. It's easy to say that you always tell only the truth, but you can't be sure. You have to take a step back to realize that you might be telling a *version* of the truth, colored by your own opinion or belief. I don't really think I've done any story yet for which I would stretch the truth like this, but it's possible that I could.

Blog 007 - More Personal Response to Frey

2007-02-23T13:31:00.000-05:00

For me, it never even occurred that I could stretch the truth in any way, let alone the way Frey did. I changed names in my Memoir, but other than that, it is the facts, as truly as I could recall them. I haven't done anything really to assure my audience that I was being honest. I just was. It's hard to prove that you're telling the truth. No, sadly, it's easier for others to disprove your work.

Memoir

2007-02-21T10:31:00.000-05:00

i forgot to post this. thanks to jonathan for reminding me.

Kevin Risse
02/14/2007
Writing Creative Non-Fiction

“Big Damn Hero”

To most people, fire drills are nothing but an inconvenience. They interrupt class, or your work day, or whatever you may be doing. You never think that something interesting could happen during one of these annoyances. But sometimes, life surprises you..
It was my sophomore year and I was in Spanish class. I never liked Spanish class much. My teacher was nice, but the students were definitely not. No one really bothered me much, I was mostly ignored. Never openly ridiculed.
Which is what made the events of that day so peculiar.
The fire alarm went off, a sound that always made me think of a huge, monstrous cricket. The student body filed out the doors. Our classroom was toward the back of the school, so we stood in the back parking lot. It was the middle of winter, which made the whole ordeal even less thrilling.
I was standing off to one side, by myself, remaining unobtrusive, when I overheard bunch of guys talking nearby. About me. General rude stuff, nothing too memorable. I didn’t really pay it much mind.
Then their voices dropped. They were whispering about something. Planning something. One of the weaker-willed ones, Tim, broke away from the group and turned slightly in my direction.
“That girl Kim’s a slut.”
I should explain something: I wasn’t out in high school. It’s not so much that I truly feared harsh repercussions from being openly gay. I just figured it would be easier to navigate the slippery stream of adolescence if I didn’t make a spectacle of myself. I was lucky enough to have a close friend who was a lesbian, who also wasn’t out. The two of us decided to pretend we were dating, in the eyes of the public. And we probably would’ve been, if we weren’t both gay. It just made things easier.
This girl, Kim, is quite possibly one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Everything she does is to help or please or serve others. She does not have a single selfish bone in her entire body.
Which was why, when this simpleton made that comment about her, I burned with rage.
More than that, though, I burned with shame. Because I didn’t say a damn thing. I couldn’t bring myself to, out of fear of what they might say or do to me for defending her. I told myself that I shouldn’t worry about it, because they were just saying it to goad me, to try and get a reaction out of me, and that I shouldn’t react. Even so, I felt awful.
The alarm went off, which is the signal for us to go back in. We went back in and, to my surprise, down the hall I spotted Kim. This was highly unusual, because I knew her class was on the opposite of the school, on the fourth floor. I called out her name and ran up to her.
Just seeing her made me feel a thousand times better. It usually did. Before I knew what I was doing, I found myself telling her what happened outside, and what the boy had said. It didn’t bother her at all. Nothing like that did. But I still felt terrible. Terrible that he said something like that, terrible that he got away with it, and, more than anything, terrible that I’d let him get away with it.
Then: epiphany.
It was like one of those cartoons, where, when the hero gets an idea, a light bulb goes off over his head.
“You know what?” I said to Kim. “Come with me.”
I took her by the hand and led her into my classroom. The room was still noisy, and things were still settling down, so we were able to slip in unnoticed. I led Kim to Tim’s desk. And stood there.
“So Tim,” I said. “Do you want to tell Kim what you said about her?”
Tim refused to look either of us in the eye.
“Do you want tell Kim about how you called her a slut?” Still no response, so I continued. “Now do you want to apologize to her for what you said?”
“I’m sorry,” Tim mumbled.
“It’s okay,” Kim said. Sweetly. Sincerely. Because she was just that kind of person.
I walked Kim back out into the hallway and said goodbye, feeling very much like Batman.
Maybe I didn’t save the world. And maybe what I did wasn’t exactly the smoothest or kindest course of action for me to take. But I didn’t care. And frankly, I still don’t.
I felt like a hero. Not only for Kim, but for myself. It was a small victory, a small step toward standing up for myself and for someone I cared about, but at least it was something.

Blog 06 - Response to Frey

2007-02-18T17:21:00.000-05:00

There is a definite line when it comes to defining the limits of creative non-fiction. I believe that each writer must draw that line for himself. However, there are some things that are unacceptable, such as making complete fabrications, which is what Frey did. He wrote about things that did not happen to him at all. And that's ridiculous. Changing names to protect others or rolling several true people or experiences in to one to save time or whatnot is one thing. But making things up is not okay.

Blog 05 -- Analysis of Personal Essay

2007-02-13T23:01:00.000-05:00

Well, my personal essay, I'd say, is about putting insecurities aside to experience life. My audience, I guess, would be .. would be people who need to hear it. People who need to read about a positive experience where putting your fears and insecurities on the line yields positive results. That, I feel, was the purpose. To share my positive experience with others.

Blog 04 -- Pre-Writing, 02

2007-02-11T23:53:00.000-05:00

PRE-WRITING for MEMOIR

o Party
-- going to a friend's party with my crush, having him be oddly flirtatious and caring, and having nothing come of it
- arrival -- "ice cream after? i'll pay?"
- foot tapping -- "are you okay?"
- rushing out to me when i arrive back to pick him up
- not a word in the car

o Choir Pool Party
-- after i tell the same crush about my feelings, and nothing happens, and there's friction
- no words
- i steal his car (which, okay, sounds worse than it really it really was - my car was low on gas, so i took his without asking permission)
- i throw my wallet at him (which, by the way, was so badass)

o My Heroic Moment
-- during a fire drill, some guys made rude comments about a friend of mine, so then when i bumped into her in the hallway right after, i brought her up to one of them and confronted them on it - why yes, i am batman
- going outisde, "that girl sarah's a slut"
- running into her in the hallway, explaining it to her
- bringing her into the classroom and up to a boy's desk, "do you want to tell sarah what you called her? ... do you want to apologize?"

peace out.

Blog 02 -- Memoirs v/s Personal Essays

2007-02-05T03:13:00.000-05:00

Okay, so, memoirs and personal essays.

Well, for starters, they're similar because their subject matter is of a personal nature. However, a memoir is more of a personal account, like a story. The personal essay, I'd say, is to make some sort of point. It goes out of its way to bring the subject material full circle, like in "Brothers"; the clear statement of the essay is to illustrate that young brothers always fight when they're young, but eventually can come to be friends in spite of that. "Out There" was more a story of Beard's life than it was trying to make a specific point.

I sort of prefer the memoir to the personal essay. As much as I love stories being brought full circle, the way it's done in Lott's "Brothers" feels too neatly wrapped up. And life, in general, isn't like that. It's ongoing. It's about the journey. But I suppose that's why I'm more drawn to serial fiction, because I like seeing things develop further rather than be wrapped up with a neat little bow at the end.

On a completely unrelated not, I think I might actually like Blogger more than LiveJournal as a blogging tool. Sure, LiveJournal is generally more popular among the common folk, but Blogger is definitely easier to handle. No bothering with html codes when you want to use bold or italics or colors. You can even use bullets and numbering. Fancy. Still, I'm a LiveJournal Boy, through and through.

Blog 01 -- Pre-Writing, 01

2007-01-29T10:19:00.000-05:00

So, here's the pre-writing that I did:

PRE-WRITING

o Buffy
- My discovery of the show
- The process of discovering how much I like it
- How much it’s meant to me, and what it’s brought me
- How it’s inspired me even more to become a fiction writer

o being gay
- Having feelings for other boys at a young age
- Realizing what gay is
- Coming out to the people I love
- Becoming comfortable with it myself

o Les Mis
- Plucking up the courage to audition, and actually auditioning
- The friends I made, and experiences I had
- Overall lesson? (Confidence?)

o unrequited love
- How it started
- The process, the secret keeping, the feelings of longing
- Revealing my feelings
- The fall out

Yeahhh, not great. But that's why they call it *pre*-writing, and not ... *writing* writing. Or something.

That's all for now.

First Entry

2007-01-29T09:37:00.000-05:00

My name is Kevin. This is my first blog entry.

...hi.

Kevin's Kean University Blog

Peer Tutoring Final Paper, Take 2

Research Proposal - first draft

Peer Tutoring Blog #10

Peer Tutoring Blog #09

Peer Tutoring Blog #08

Peer Tutoring Blog #06

Peer Tutoring Blog #05

Peer Tutoring Blog #04

Peer Tutoring Blog #03

Peer Tutoring Blog #01

Peer Tutoring

Online Rhetorics Blog #10

Online Rhetorics Blog #11

Online Rhetorics Blog #9

Online Rhetorics Blog #7

Online Rhetorics Blog #6 & 8

Online Rhetorics Blog #4

Online Rhetorics Blog #2

Online Rhetorics Blog #5

Online Rhetorics Blog #3

Online Rhetorics Blog #1

Final Blog

Blog 17

Blog 16

Nature Essay

literary journalism piece

my ACTUAL personal essay thing

Blog 11 - Literary Journalism Piece

Blog 09 - Literary Journalism Piece Pre-Writing

el oh el, jay kay, my *actual* Blog 08 Entry

Blog 08 - "Truth"

Blog 007 - More Personal Response to Frey

Memoir

Blog 06 - Response to Frey

Blog 05 -- Analysis of Personal Essay

Blog 04 -- Pre-Writing, 02

Blog 02 -- Memoirs v/s Personal Essays

Blog 01 -- Pre-Writing, 01

First Entry

el oh el, jay kay, my actual Blog 08 Entry